A Lesson

I had an elderly lady come in to work yesterday, and she has been on my mind tonight. You could barely see her wrinkled fingers under the mound of rings she had on every finger, and her cart carried five or so bags on every handle, not to mention what was actually IN the cart. She asked me about the mens slippers, and I got a tad annoyed as I tried explaining what we had in size 10, and she kept repeating the same question. She eventually decided which ones she wanted, and I proceeded to walk over to the counter, and scan them in, waiting for her to follow. I soon realised she wasn't, and sighed as I wondered off to look for her. She had taken a seat on one of the chairs, and had her money out ready for me to take from the opposite end of the store to the register, which is often what a lot of elderly people do. I put it all through and went back to give her her change and receipt, and noticed she was having difficulty breathing and looked a bit flustered. I asked if she was okay, and she told me about how she had been feeling off all day, but didn't want to take any medication, because once she started, she knew she wouldn't stop. I offered her a glass of water (which I don't know if I'm allowed to do), to which she accpeted, in the end to take one of her tablets. She sat in the store for a while longer, and my manager, Pamela (who is also a Christian), ended up coming over as well. Apparently this particular lady comes in quite often, sometimes just to chat, and sometimes to buy 10 or more pairs of shoes at a time. She has told Pamela before that she has a terminal illness, and is apparently looking worse and worse. We stood with her for a while, and she sat with her head in her hands, trying to catch her breath and mumbling every now and then about how horrible it all was. Then she looked up and said something which had me speechless. "I'm scared that I'm dying". I'm so thankful that Pamela was there because I just didn't know what to say. There was something in me that was trying to get out, something about the Saviour's love and home and happiness, but my mind was jumbled and my mouth firmly closed shut. Pamela said something about how we are all born, and we live, and then we die, and it's all just a cycle and it's just important to have a purpose in life, to which the lady replied "yes but I don't know what mine is". Again...silence on my behalf. Infact I'm not even sure what happened then. There was something more there but I couldn't bring it out, and didn't know if I wanted too, and soon Pamela had walked off and the lady was asking about slippers for herself. She ended up buying a pair and my main thought as she left was, "why couldn't she have bought the two pairs of slippers together so that IPC's (Items Per Customer) were higher".
I hadn't thought about her much, until tonight when I was thinking of something to blog about. She came into my mind, and I began to think it through.
Pamela was speaking to me afterwards about how while we are working, we're not allowed to speak about religion or anything like that to customers, and that Pamela was hoping that one day when this lady came in, she would be free to take a break so that she could go and speak to the woman. I'm pleased about this, but I wonder if that's just because it takes the guilt away from me for not doing anything?
And why didn't I do anything? Why was I so shocked into silence? I know there are millions of people out there without the Lord as their Saviour and I know it is our job to share of His love. I know this and I have been taught this over and over and I've taken seminars on how to do it properly (as silly as they may be). But when I was faced with a real person, who had real problems, and who had no faith and was scared of dying...I froze. And I guess I'm realising that I really don't do what I was put on earth for at all. I don't. I live my nice little Christian life, focusing on my little Christian heart and my relationship with God and I go to big conferences and hear about how many people are lost and clap when we talk about bringing them to Jesus...but when push comes to shove, I do nothing in helping to build the Kingdom of God. And this is not okay. And it is not okay that I was more worried about IPC's, than this woman's frail and lifeless heart.
Pamela probably thinks the woman was bought into our store for us to have the opportunity to show her Christian love, and to invite her back again. But I have a feeling there was another reason, and it has something to do with God teaching me a lesson, and showing me what He see's of my life at the moment.

So tonight, I will be praying for that woman, and thanking God for the way He teaches, and asking for guidance and wisdom and clarity on what life is actually about.

And maybe tomorrow I will go to work not looking for high figures and good IPC's, but for souls to pray for.