If only I had listened...:P...

Just a quick one...

The weekend went really well :) Yeah yeah, you all now have permission to say "I told you so" :P

I have told Em that I would like to be considered for the 2IC position. She was going to be speaking to Frank today, and I am guessing I will hear from either or both of them tomorrow.
I am all relatively calm about it. I know whatever happens, will happen for a reason (how cliche is that). Honestly, I'm not thinking about it much.

Missed my tablet yesterday morning accidentally and paid the price for it today. That was fun *ahem* Bugs me a little bit seeing who I am without medication. Also makes me very thankful for medication.

Just started 3 weeks of 12-3 shifts at Ringwood. Joy. The upside is I get to see Sam and Bec on Thursday :) Yes sirree..this time it IS going to happen ;)

And it's bed time.

Moving Up

It's a big weekend coming up :) <--- This is me smiling nervously :P J and I are heading up to Warragul after I finish work to spend the night and half of Sunday with his parents and sister. I have only ever met his parents once, and it was the day after I had met J! So they only knew me then as a random friend of J's. I haven't seen them since J and I made it official, so I feel a bit like the pressure is on. I will also be meeting his sister for the first time...which is probably what is making me nervous the most, as J loves her so much, and she looks so cool and sounds so with it and I just very desperatly want her to like me. J keeps reassuring me that they will all like me and it will all go great...but he HAS to say that :P I will report back with the outcome.
Then we are heading up to Sale Sunday night, which I cannot wait for! Oh I miss those guys so much :) It will be fabulous.

During all the nervousness and excitement, I will also be thinking and praying about a situation that has arisen over the last two days.
I was driving home yesterday (this is generally when random large-ish thoughts pop into my head), when I began thinking about the possibility of me taking the Second in Charge position at the Oakleigh store. This has been available for a while now, as well as 2IC at Brandon Park, and I have never thought seriously about either one of them because I didn't want the hours or responsibility that the position entails. So this is why it was a bit odd and out of the blue that I started to see myself taking the position. All last night and today I have been thinking seriously about it, and had a chat to Emma (manager at Oakleigh) this afternoon about it.
The reality is...I really need some stable hours, because I just can't go along with one week earning $500, and the next week only $60. I desperatly to get back on track with paying Noofy off, living expenses are becoming more of a burden, I have a trip to Thailland to pay for, and it would be wise to start saving sooner rather than later.
I have pretty much come to the conclusion that massage (in whatever form that may be) is not what I want to be doing. I've realised that I have pretty much convinced myself that it would be a good job, because it's something I was somewhat interested in. However, I got real with myself a few days ago, and realised that I don't really want to do that as a career. And honestly, I don't know what it is that I want to do, but I don't think I need to know right know, and I trust that if I sincerely seek, it will be revealed to me when it is supposed to be. I do know though, that I need to start earning some regular money. And this 2IC idea is starting to look really good.
I would be working a minimum of 25 hours a week, with one Saturday and one Sunday a month. The hours are all generally spread out over the week, with not many early mornings or late nights. I love Emma to pieces and we get on so well and work great as a team. The responsibility is not as much as I thought it would be, and I think it would be good for me to have a little bit anyway.
So our main problem would be how reliable I could be. For both mine and Emma's sakes, if I did do this...I would be put on a three month trial for me to see if I can cope with the hours physically and mentally. And we would go from there.
The other issue is how much I would see J. If things keep going the way they are with his work, I would be working during the days, and he would be working at nights...leaving not much time for seeing each other. So he is going to sort out what will be happening on that front.

I need to tell Em on Tuesday whether I want to be considered for it or not, and then she will take it to Frank.

So prayers from you guys for me to just really be thinking and praying hard about this would be great. I know you all know what to pray for :P

Rel...you figured it out! Now start a blog ;)

A Source of Beauty

Impurities in gemstones give them their colour (I'm so not telling where I read this ;) Though some girls may figure it out!) .
How cool is that, though? It's the imperfection that provides the beauty.

Hmm. It's just one of those random lovely things.

A Lesson

I had an elderly lady come in to work yesterday, and she has been on my mind tonight. You could barely see her wrinkled fingers under the mound of rings she had on every finger, and her cart carried five or so bags on every handle, not to mention what was actually IN the cart. She asked me about the mens slippers, and I got a tad annoyed as I tried explaining what we had in size 10, and she kept repeating the same question. She eventually decided which ones she wanted, and I proceeded to walk over to the counter, and scan them in, waiting for her to follow. I soon realised she wasn't, and sighed as I wondered off to look for her. She had taken a seat on one of the chairs, and had her money out ready for me to take from the opposite end of the store to the register, which is often what a lot of elderly people do. I put it all through and went back to give her her change and receipt, and noticed she was having difficulty breathing and looked a bit flustered. I asked if she was okay, and she told me about how she had been feeling off all day, but didn't want to take any medication, because once she started, she knew she wouldn't stop. I offered her a glass of water (which I don't know if I'm allowed to do), to which she accpeted, in the end to take one of her tablets. She sat in the store for a while longer, and my manager, Pamela (who is also a Christian), ended up coming over as well. Apparently this particular lady comes in quite often, sometimes just to chat, and sometimes to buy 10 or more pairs of shoes at a time. She has told Pamela before that she has a terminal illness, and is apparently looking worse and worse. We stood with her for a while, and she sat with her head in her hands, trying to catch her breath and mumbling every now and then about how horrible it all was. Then she looked up and said something which had me speechless. "I'm scared that I'm dying". I'm so thankful that Pamela was there because I just didn't know what to say. There was something in me that was trying to get out, something about the Saviour's love and home and happiness, but my mind was jumbled and my mouth firmly closed shut. Pamela said something about how we are all born, and we live, and then we die, and it's all just a cycle and it's just important to have a purpose in life, to which the lady replied "yes but I don't know what mine is". Again...silence on my behalf. Infact I'm not even sure what happened then. There was something more there but I couldn't bring it out, and didn't know if I wanted too, and soon Pamela had walked off and the lady was asking about slippers for herself. She ended up buying a pair and my main thought as she left was, "why couldn't she have bought the two pairs of slippers together so that IPC's (Items Per Customer) were higher".
I hadn't thought about her much, until tonight when I was thinking of something to blog about. She came into my mind, and I began to think it through.
Pamela was speaking to me afterwards about how while we are working, we're not allowed to speak about religion or anything like that to customers, and that Pamela was hoping that one day when this lady came in, she would be free to take a break so that she could go and speak to the woman. I'm pleased about this, but I wonder if that's just because it takes the guilt away from me for not doing anything?
And why didn't I do anything? Why was I so shocked into silence? I know there are millions of people out there without the Lord as their Saviour and I know it is our job to share of His love. I know this and I have been taught this over and over and I've taken seminars on how to do it properly (as silly as they may be). But when I was faced with a real person, who had real problems, and who had no faith and was scared of dying...I froze. And I guess I'm realising that I really don't do what I was put on earth for at all. I don't. I live my nice little Christian life, focusing on my little Christian heart and my relationship with God and I go to big conferences and hear about how many people are lost and clap when we talk about bringing them to Jesus...but when push comes to shove, I do nothing in helping to build the Kingdom of God. And this is not okay. And it is not okay that I was more worried about IPC's, than this woman's frail and lifeless heart.
Pamela probably thinks the woman was bought into our store for us to have the opportunity to show her Christian love, and to invite her back again. But I have a feeling there was another reason, and it has something to do with God teaching me a lesson, and showing me what He see's of my life at the moment.

So tonight, I will be praying for that woman, and thanking God for the way He teaches, and asking for guidance and wisdom and clarity on what life is actually about.

And maybe tomorrow I will go to work not looking for high figures and good IPC's, but for souls to pray for.

Stuffeded

This is what I look like at the moment! I am so exhausted!
Day off tomorrow though :) If I get out of bed, I will attempt to do some blogging!

Oh, you know

You know, sometimes I read all of your blogs, and feel like I’m about 10 years old. I have nothing interesting to say, I don’t have many opinions on the current happenings in the world and it’s highly unlikely that I’m about to post a thousand word blog on anything remotely theological. I’m almost embarrassed to blog because it’s all just so…un-intellectual! (see, I KNOW that’s not a word :P) This is who I am though and I know if I keep seeking the true heart of Jesus, I will grow more and more into the daughter He wants me to be, even if that means not being the smartest chook in the shed ;) And that’s okay.
Indeed.

Ok, so…on with the mindless dribblings..:P..

Oh these ups and downs are killing me man! I would like to put it down to PMS (and I am tonight)…but PMS doesn’t go on 30 days of the month!
It’s starting to deeply affect (is that right bub? :P) my life, and J’s life, and my parent’s life, and I guess the lives of everyone around me considering I am chopping and changing all the time.
The doctors appointment went no where in relation to my anxiety and I am now searching for a new doctor as I have realised the one I was seeing is…stupid :P Ok obviously not as she has a doctorate :P, but she is not suited to me (there we go…that’s more polite). I would get into a rant and rave over what happened, but this would make me angry and I have thus far avoided getting overly frustrated by the whole ordeal, so I shall continue with this me thinks ;)
So. I need to find a new doctor. This in itself frustrates me, because I now need to go through the whole process of getting recommendations of someone, getting an appointment, going through alllllll my history with them (I have the history of a 80 year old I think!), with the possibility of them turning out to be horrible and me never seeing them again. But this is ok, because this is what I need to do in order to get help, and to make my life and of those who love me a little bit easier. Yes.
I should get on to that *ahem*

I’m getting lots of shifts at work. Managers’ shifts too, which is lovely because I get paid 25% more.
J has gone full time, which is proving to be a challenge for both of us. We have gotten used to spending a lot of time together. Whether this is a good thing or not; I don’t know. We are not able to spend as much time as we have been though with him working full time, and me getting more shifts. This is tough. And I am typing very structured and to the point sentences and I’m not entirely sure why :P

Okay, so…I have just come to the realisation that my blogs are becoming updates on my life. This wasn’t really what I intended it to be for. I’m not entirely sure WHAT I intended it to be for, but I’m relatively sure this wasn’t it. I wonder if maybe it would be different and I would be more free to write other things if I didn’t know certain people were reading it? Hmm. Something to think about.

Right now, however, I need to head to bed.

There are things going on that I want to write about. I am going to try and do this.

*nods*

Have I told you lately how beautiful my boy is?

Points

• Doctor's appointment produced anger and disappointment. This deserves a blog of it's own. The only good that came out of it is that I have a refferal to a nurologist for migraines.
• Migraines are BAD! I'm getting at least a headache a day, usually turning into a migraine before 7pm.
• Working in retail with the onset of a migraine is not fun.
• J and I had lunch with Steve, Rel and the girls on Sunday. Lots of fun and J is learning why I love them all so much :)
• Church at Riverside Sunday night. All of J's friends are great and I am sure a lot of them will quickly become "our" friends.
• I am amazed by how I have been feeling God's presence in a few different situations lately. Often I have found myself thinking "wow, that wasn't me; it was God".
• I'm picking up some more hours at work. Yay. No migraines while working please.
• I have a new friend. She now owns a piece of my heart and regular thoughts in my head. God bought us together and has already blessed us both beyond words through each other. She is lovely. Her name is Nay.
• J and I have now been together a month. I love him more than I did then, and I know I will love him more with each passing month and year. He continues to astound me. It's nice knowing. I thank God every day that He is allowing us to know.
• I haven't had an attack since Friday. That's good, but it worries me that I find 4 days good.
• My God is bigger than...anything. I need to remember this.

Quiet and Still

I am struggling again.
I've booked an appointment with my GP for tomorrow morning. I think maybe I've finally realised that this just can't keep going on. People bug me when they are constantly down or depressed but don't do anything about it, and I've realised I am one of those people.
So we'll see how that goes. Prayers would be great, ta.

You too, should quietly trust in the Lord - now and always.
Psalm 131:3