Patience

My heart beats so quickly at the very thought of it.

Imagine what it will be like when (if) it actually happens.

This is driving me insane. But I love it and embrace it with everything in me.

I'm beginning to understand now, what they all mean.

Are you sure it's not just indigestion?

So the friendpossiblymore is away for a week. And oh man, I miss him. Like, there is this constant feeling in my heart/tummy region and I cannot stop thinking about him and I just think it's about time he came home, don't you?

Ok so we are cat-sitting my sisters cat for her and my bro-in-law while they are away...and I'm sorry (cat lovers), but I just don't understand cats. I gave him attention before (which I thought was VERY nice of me)...and now he just keeps jumping up on me, and I keep putting him down, and he jumps up again, and so I put him down, and he jumps again...and you just have to wonder; how many times do we have to do this before he will get the hint? And what lesson is he teaching me? Not to ever give him attention because he'll just want more? Fine, if that's the way you want it buddy!

So yes...now that we have gotten rid of all the readers who were after some insightful words :P

Went to Crossway tonight with Thomas. AWESOME to see Thomas and hang out and realise Thomas will always be Thomas (a good thing). Crossway was...good. I was after some teaching, and they didn't have a sermon. Which was odd...but a good opportunity for some great praise and worship time. We headed off shortly after the service ended, so couldn't tell ya what the people were like. Though with such a big church, I'm not sure that'd be possible anyway. It has told me that I think I would prefer a smaller church. Which is a step in the right direction.

Big week coming up with work and then some well earnt (;)) time with a special someone, and then off to Hillsong we go. Hopefully a few more blogs will appear before then tho.
Maybe some with a little more substance aswell!

A Real One

I've attemtped to blog three times today. Each time I've opened this window, and sat and stared for about five minutes, and then closed it again.
This is where I struggle with blogs/diaries. I feel like I need to explain everything. I can't just launch into a story and not give the details behind everything, which could get very tiring and a little boring and it IS unnecessary. So while I will attempt not to make things too confusing, I will also attempt not to write 10 000 words BEFORE I begin whatever I'm trying to say! I guess I need to remember why I'm doing this. It's not to entertain (even tho I am completely far too aware that people may actually be reading this while I'm typing!). Wow that's three words I've highlighted so far. Is that weird?!

Anywho...

Life is a changin'. I'm lookin for a new church, I'm searching for what I should be doing job-wise, and there may just be a new relationship, or at the least, very special friendship, on the cards.
I'm not great at change. New things scare the crap out of me and the fact that there are so many new things happening and I'm still kickin'...is major (4!). It blows my mind...to think back, even 6 months ago, and know that if I was in this situation, I just would not be dealing with it. God is incredible. I feel like an ass for not realising it sooner, and for not understanding at ALL the power of His Mighty Hand, and the love and devotion of His precious heart.

You know I was thinking before of writing about how I think I've missed out on 18 months or so of getting to know God, perhaps longer. I didn't get it together in that aspect (which pretty much effects every other aspect!) until after my ex and I broke up. And while my relationship with G had plenty of good things about it, and taught us both quite a lot...we were no where near close to having God as the centre of us or individually seeking Him and having a personal relathionship with Him (fooling yourself can become an art ;)). Sometimes I look back and am just filled with regret because I often wonder where I would be in life if those 18 months had been spent in the centre of God's will. Sometimes I wonder how much smarter I would be; in terms of bible knowledge. And how much wiser and with-it I would be. I get discouraged being among christians my age as they all just seem to know so much more than I do. I feel like a new christian, when I claim to have been one for years. And I haven't liked that feeling and often let it get to me far too much.

But as I was thinking about writing about all of this, and even typing the above paragraph, God has revealed something to me. He loves my heart right now. My passion and child-like faith is pleasing to Him. Wow. You guys. That is huge.
I'm going to choose not to be ashamed of my lack of knowledge, but instead embrace the opportunity to learn more.

So, anyone who reads this...don't be afraid to help me in this. If there's something you think I've got wrong...tell me and talk to me and impart your wisdom ;)

Right now I am learning that God answers prayers. That God is listening. I think this is a big lesson to learn and I'm completely enjoying learning it.
I'm also learning that my Father is so much bigger than the enemy. You know when you know something, but don't really get it? I am beginning to get this. And my soul dances with thanksgiving that my God will ALWAYS be stronger, simply because of His love for us. Understanding this is having a huge effect on my day to day life, as I'm noticing where satan is beginning to have foot-holds, and very quickly asking God to take them away from Him.

And I am excited. Oh you just have no idea! I am excited by what God has in store for me. I am excited at the things I can do to please my Lord. I am excited by the prospect of a new church, and new friendships, and new ways to serve. I am excited by this new friendship and what it means for my life.

And it's all just very good.

God is good.

Introducing Macy

This would be the devine Miss Moo ;) I thought I had better introduce you guys to her considering she IS my baby and takes up much of my attention during the day! She is 10 months old, and the funniest dog we have ever had.
Her cuteness just can't be explained until you actually meet her ;) People wonder why we are so in love with her...and then they experience some Macy time, and fall head over heels too, hehe.
A classic Moo moment: Dad was vacuuming the hallway, and had taken off one of the attachments. When he went back to get it, it was gone, but in its place was one of Macy's toys, hee! Sure enough, Macy was to be found outside with the attachment. Too cute.
And yeh, she totally has all of us wrapped around her little claw.

Home?

Ahh I am tired. This is where Beth learns that staying up til 4am is not a good idea, even if it may seem like it at the time!
I'm looking after my precious (Jack) tonight :) Seriously, when I get far too ahead of myself or too caught up in life; I just need to spend a few hours with him and he reminds me of how simple it all is :) Pretty good for a nine month old.
Unfortunatly, he will go home tomorrow and a few hours later, I will be back all tangled up in the web of life. I think there should be a rule, that lessons that have been learnt need to STAY learnt. I mean it's not as if we are ever going to learn everything we need to know anyway...so can't we just remember the stuff we DO actually learn?
And I'm ranting.
I'm getting sick. Just like everyone else. Thanks J. So the plan is to go to bed relatively early tonight, and I'm reasonably sure it will happen considering I am half falling asleep at this very moment! Oh yeah, I'm talented people. Posting a blog AND falling asleep? Multi-tasking is my middle name (shush tony).

So I need to get into this finding a church thing. It's nearly been two years. Ugh...that doesn't make me feel so good. Yes, I would be a lot more dissapointed in myself if for the previous two years, I had had the spritual maturity that I do now. But the majority of those two years were spent either at my ex's church not focusing on the fact that I needed a church of my own, or visiting friends churchs regularly that can't be called home because they are too far away ;)
God is nudging my heart though, and growing a desire for a church of my own. Even without the desire, it's still vitally important. Because of how shy I've been (can you imagine?! :P) I have never wanted to play any sort of role in a church other than the sitter-backerer. Now...I desperatly want to get in there and be involved and serve. My heart desires a church to call home, and a church to serve my God in.
That is pretty cool.
So I guess I need to be open now, and let the Lord direct me to where he wants me. This is the bit I struggle with.
1. because I don't like visiting churches by myself. I will tend to take Thomas with me, but lately he's been busy so that hasn't been happening. So I just say we'll do it next week...and head to Sale :P Come on Beth...you are a big girl now, and can do things by yourself. Indeed.
2. I haven't had much experience in letting God lead me to a specific location. I know it's not difficult and I know what I need to do and I know that God will be pleased with me and bless me once I give the steering wheel over to Him. I know, I know, I know. I now need to do, do, do.
And so I will let this passion for a church and this desire to please my Heavenly Father rule my actions and thoughts instead of my fear and blatant laziness. Yes sirree, that is what I will do.

Now that I've written it, there's no backing out.

Beginnings and Endings

My first blog. I am slightly feeling the pressure considering the blogs that I do read, are good!
I don't know where my writing skills have gone, but I am relatively certain they have gone somewhere that is not anywhere close to me!
I don't know if I'm going to have anything interesting to say. I don't even know that this will last longer than three posts! I have been convinced to start a blog though, so here it is. And I guess the motivating factor that made me actually do it, is that maybe writing my thoughts out will organise them a little more. I think I've gotten into the habit of letting everything spin around in my mind before I blow up! I've lost the art of putting my thoughts on paper (or computer), and replaced it with driving myself insane keeping everything in. It only really hit me yesterday that maybe I wouldn't be so confused all the time if I gave this a go. Maybe there is a simple solution that I have forgotten about.

Bare with me. Don't expect brilliant writings or wise words. I have come a long way in the last few months in terms of my faith and maturity, but sometimes I still feel like I'm just at the beginning. But then again, there's never really an end, is there?

And this seems like a good place to end my very first blog, so here we go.