A Real One

I've attemtped to blog three times today. Each time I've opened this window, and sat and stared for about five minutes, and then closed it again.
This is where I struggle with blogs/diaries. I feel like I need to explain everything. I can't just launch into a story and not give the details behind everything, which could get very tiring and a little boring and it IS unnecessary. So while I will attempt not to make things too confusing, I will also attempt not to write 10 000 words BEFORE I begin whatever I'm trying to say! I guess I need to remember why I'm doing this. It's not to entertain (even tho I am completely far too aware that people may actually be reading this while I'm typing!). Wow that's three words I've highlighted so far. Is that weird?!

Anywho...

Life is a changin'. I'm lookin for a new church, I'm searching for what I should be doing job-wise, and there may just be a new relationship, or at the least, very special friendship, on the cards.
I'm not great at change. New things scare the crap out of me and the fact that there are so many new things happening and I'm still kickin'...is major (4!). It blows my mind...to think back, even 6 months ago, and know that if I was in this situation, I just would not be dealing with it. God is incredible. I feel like an ass for not realising it sooner, and for not understanding at ALL the power of His Mighty Hand, and the love and devotion of His precious heart.

You know I was thinking before of writing about how I think I've missed out on 18 months or so of getting to know God, perhaps longer. I didn't get it together in that aspect (which pretty much effects every other aspect!) until after my ex and I broke up. And while my relationship with G had plenty of good things about it, and taught us both quite a lot...we were no where near close to having God as the centre of us or individually seeking Him and having a personal relathionship with Him (fooling yourself can become an art ;)). Sometimes I look back and am just filled with regret because I often wonder where I would be in life if those 18 months had been spent in the centre of God's will. Sometimes I wonder how much smarter I would be; in terms of bible knowledge. And how much wiser and with-it I would be. I get discouraged being among christians my age as they all just seem to know so much more than I do. I feel like a new christian, when I claim to have been one for years. And I haven't liked that feeling and often let it get to me far too much.

But as I was thinking about writing about all of this, and even typing the above paragraph, God has revealed something to me. He loves my heart right now. My passion and child-like faith is pleasing to Him. Wow. You guys. That is huge.
I'm going to choose not to be ashamed of my lack of knowledge, but instead embrace the opportunity to learn more.

So, anyone who reads this...don't be afraid to help me in this. If there's something you think I've got wrong...tell me and talk to me and impart your wisdom ;)

Right now I am learning that God answers prayers. That God is listening. I think this is a big lesson to learn and I'm completely enjoying learning it.
I'm also learning that my Father is so much bigger than the enemy. You know when you know something, but don't really get it? I am beginning to get this. And my soul dances with thanksgiving that my God will ALWAYS be stronger, simply because of His love for us. Understanding this is having a huge effect on my day to day life, as I'm noticing where satan is beginning to have foot-holds, and very quickly asking God to take them away from Him.

And I am excited. Oh you just have no idea! I am excited by what God has in store for me. I am excited at the things I can do to please my Lord. I am excited by the prospect of a new church, and new friendships, and new ways to serve. I am excited by this new friendship and what it means for my life.

And it's all just very good.

God is good.